One December night,
while dressed as Joseph, I had to shove a donkey
off a country lane. Lee’s team. When was this, Noddy? This would have been mid-’70s. So, why were you dressed as Joseph? Well, a friend of mine used to have
a party every Christmas time, just before Christmas,
and it was always fancy dress, and, this particular year,
he wanted to feature the nativity. And I originally wanted
to be Angel Gabriel. Right. But he said, “I’m not
having you Angel Gabriel. “You can be Joseph.” Why couldn’t you be Angel Gabriel?
Because of the accent? Probably. MIMICKING NODDY: Oh, look!
It’s the little baby Jesus. So I got an old curtain round me
and a tea towel on my head. Like tonight. So whose party was it? It was my best friend’s party. Er, and… Could I have a name, Noddy? Swin, his name was Swin. Aw… I wish you would’ve said
Big Ears, but carry on. Very good. So, where does the donkey…? So, time was getting on,
it was one o’clock, I thought I’d better make
my way home. And when I get outside, the air hit me
and I felt a bit spacey, and I think somebody
had spiked my drink. So I set off and it sort of got
worse and worse as I drove on. There was sort of blue flashing
lights coming past me and all sorts. Those would have been the police.
No. LAUGHTER That comes later. Anyway, I’m driving, and I thought, “I’ll take the scenic route.” Right. So I started to go down all these
country lanes to make my way home. And suddenly, in the middle
of the road, is a donkey. So I screeched to a halt, thinking, “Am I imagining this donkey
or is it a real donkey?” Am I really Joseph? Is it possible it was just
Elvis Costello turning up late to the party in fancy dress? So I screeches to a halt, and I thought, “I’d better
get out and check.” I can’t carry on.
I couldn’t drive round it because the lane was too
narrow. Yeah. And I got out the car
to feel if it was real or not. Are you genuinely…? So you were genuinely still not
sure, even though you were right up to it? You have to feel it?
I had to feel it. Can I ask you a question? Is this one big alibi
for touching up a donkey? So I gets behind him. Good idea. Safest place with a donkey, Noddy. And start pushing him from behind. Where is this story leading, Noddy? Suddenly I hear… MIMICS POLICE SIREN Don’t you mean
“ee-aw, ee-aw, ee-aw”? Of course, coming down the road
is a cop car. Now, I’m used to, in those days, being pulled every night
after late drinks. It’s Christmas, Noddy,
it’s Christmas. Anyway, they get out of the car
and do the usual. Here we are, Mr Christmas,
what’s he doing now? As a last punch-line, I said,
“I’ve been celebrating tonight “because my wife’s just had a kid.” Which I thought was
pretty good at the time! So, what do you think, James? I think it’s true, but it’s just
nice to listen to him tell a story and I kind of forgot halfway through I’m meant to be
knowing if it’s true or not. He’s definitely telling the truth.
You think it’s the truth? I think true. True? True. OK, we’re saying it’s true.
Saying it’s true. Noddy, was it true
or were you telling a lie? It is true. That is true. Noddy did
shove a donkey off a road