Who’s number one
at guessing number two? Let’s talk about that.( theme music playing )Good mythical morning! Today we’re gonna
investigate the claim that NASA is hiding
a second sun. – They are.
– And we’re taking a stand against Doritos’ plan to make
less crunchy chips for women. But first we’re gonna see
if we can guess what animal excreted the poop
plopped on our desk based on poop clues alone. Yay. It’s time for… All right,
here’s how it works. We’re gonna be given poop that was given to us from
an animal sanctuary yesterday. This is fresh poop. We would have it
no other way. We are working together
as a team. We’re gonna figure out
which animal’s butt
the poop came from. And if we correctly guess
three or more poops, we both win a glorious,
bedazzled squatty potty. – Ooh, yeah.
– We each get one. We don’t have to share. That’s nice.
I need that. Now we have been given a bank–
a list of animals. Like an animal bank
that could possibly be–
they’re our choices. How many ways do I have
to say this wrong? Yeah, we’ve been given
a list of animals that the poop
might’ve come from. Pig, baboon, horse,
armadillo, kangaroo, raccoon, emu
or porcupine. – Hmm.
Let’s get sharted.
– Porkypine, as I call it. – Oh wow.
– Oh gosh. Ooh, that is–
it is fresh. And it is putridly strong. – It hits–
– Oh wow! – It hits you like a–
– Man! Like a truck in the nose. It’s a column coming up
from that stuff. But you know what?
There’s a lot to learn… – Yeah.
– …from doing this. This is science. Let’s just kinda move around,
let’s see what– I’m gonna use
my poopsicle stick here. Oh, it’s wetter
in the middle, man. Okay, so… it’s small turds. I have never seen– It’s hard to talk. It’s a sour– this animal been eating
something sour. These animals come
from animal sanctuaries and are they giving the animals
in animal sanctuaries the diets that they would
typically have out in the wild? I mean probably
somewhat similar, right? It’s amazing how even moving it
that far makes a difference. Like the smell goes straight up. – Your nose.
– I will say it’s not a horse. Yeah, I’ve seen horse poop
and this ain’t it. I’ve seen a lot
of horse poop. – Um–
– I have not seen– I’ve never seen this. I would think baboon poop
would look like my poop. And sometimes
my poop looks like this. We have to figure out
what’s in it. But it’s very uniform. We have to crush
some of it open. I– okay. I believe–
go ahead and do that. While you’re doing that
I will make the observation that this is an animal
that has a very uniform diet. Like they’re giving this animal
a feed of some sort. This animal eating
chocolate. You know what I’m saying?
They’re giving the animal a feed because this is
multiple poops. And they’re all
shaped the same. People be pooping
all kinds of different ways ’cause we eat
so much different stuff. Now look at that one. I can see this one’s
a little more dried. It looks like the animal’s
been eating twigs, man. I think it’s a feed, man.
I think this is a– I’m gonna say
this is a porcupine or an armadillo,
because it’s so– I don’t know.
It could be a kangaroo, though. Don’t you think kangaroo has
like really circular poop like– I think kangaroo poop
is much bigger than this. – Like a deer.
– I agree. Let’s say
this is porcupine. – Porcupine.
– Porkypine. – Porkypine.
– Stevie? Stevie:
You know I was questioning why we were doing this
but now I know the answer. It’s to show your poop guessing
skills, because you are correct! It is porcupine! Man, it’s got– It looks like
they’ve eaten gravel. Yeah, they’ve been eating
like beets dirt. All kinds of different– Give me the stick. Let me get
the poopsicle stick. Let me get a bouquet. Oh gosh. This–
man, this is fresh. Did they catch it
right out of the booty? That’s somebody’s job
at a sanctuary. This was not cleaned up
from the ground. This was caught from a booty. Now, I’m seeing
a cross section. Gosh! Like a cylindrical
cross section and I think that gives us an indication
of how big this animal is. – How big the anus is?
– Yeah. I mean, if you wanna
be real about it, yes. So I think that– This could definitely
be a baboon. The anal opening
the size of a quarter. Which is approximately– I mean, but they change, though.
It stretches. When stretched.
So, okay. So maybe it’s not
the biggest animal. – Uh, okay–
– I mean, this could– It’s not a pig. I think pig’s more sloppy
than this. It’s got hair in it. I’ve seen a raccoon poop. I see that around my house. Lotta dirt. I think what they’re– Do baboons eat dirt? – Uh–
– Maybe as a joke? Yeah, they got
good senses of humor. They do.
They’re very funny. Hey, kids, gather around. Daddy’s gonna eat some dirt. – Isn’t that funny?
– Yeah. I find it funny
right now. I don’t find it funny
that we’re doing this. I found something else. There’s hair,
there’s dirt. – No, that’s a–
– There’s a coffee bean. It’s a bean of some kind. – It’s a bean eater.
– It’s a legume I think. I think it would smell worse
if it was a baboon, though. I’m looking
at the animal bank here. Definitely not a pig. I think this is
a kangaroo, man. – Why?
– Because it’s a large animal and it doesn’t smell as– I think a baboon’s gonna smell
like human poop. Yeah, this one– Remember that time we put
the human poop in the thing
that we– yeah. That prank. The college party. It smells so bad. I think this is kangaroo, man. Kangaroos out in the dirt, – kicking up–
– Yep, that’s right. – Lots of dirt.
– Kicking up– I’m with you.
We’re saying kangaroo. This is emu poop. A bird?
That’s a bird? I was thinking it was gonna
be a big, white pile. They eat seeds and
then they spread seeds
around in their poop. I’m having a crisis
of conscious here. Like why are
we doing this? It’s our show.
We can smell anything we want. We can inspect anything. This is important, man. Listen, think about this. There will come a time in the not
too distant future, when we’re all living
in a post apocalyptic landscape, – and at that point–
– There you go again. At that point
you’re gonna need to be tracking
all kinds of things. You’re gonna need to know
whether it’s a kangaroo or an emu or a baboon, ’cause
some of them are gonna be– Baboons are crazy. There’s a whole horror movie
called “Baboon.” And you wanna know
if it’s tracking you so you circle back on the poop? Yeah, people need to know
this kinda thing. And from the little bit
of footage they’re getting, and the description
that we’re getting, we could save lives. We are saving lives
in the distant future today. That’s why
this is important, Link. Don’t second-guess
yourself. Just smell the poop. I did and it’s very– It looks like
it’s got gold leaf in it. – It’s not nearly as stinky
– Is that gold leaf? as the first one. You can get
right in there. Oh, wow. It doesn’t have much
smell at all. Yeah, um… And I’m using this
magnifying glass instead of getting
that close to it. Lots of granules in there. There’s some whiteness. This is interesting. I would’ve thought
this was emu. – Emu?
– But we already have the emu. I thought emu would
be like bird crap. Right, ’cause there’s whiteness
in here like a bird. It’s different, but I thought it
would be like a slimy bird crap. Let’s see. Is there a reptile
on our list? ‘Cause I could think
this would be reptilian, ’cause it’s green. Green reptiles, green poop. There’s no turd integrity. You know what I’m saying?
It’s like Grape Nuts. It doesn’t have any kind
of shape to it. Like I don’t know
what it was. Was this a log?
Was this– oh what is that?
What are you uncovering? That is a piece
of gum in there. A huge, white, piece
of chewing gum. No, it came apart. What kinda– What have they been eating? What is this–
this is not raccoon. Again, I’ve seen
a raccoon poop. – I don’t know.
This could be raccoon.
– It’s got hair in there, too. Raccoon would eat
anything. So this would be not
as consistent as– – But again that could be–
– But there’s no turdishness
to it. Raccoons make turds. This isn’t even a turd. This is just like a collection
of poop granules. It depends on– so much on what they’re eating
at the sanctuary. Oh you know what
this could be? – This could be horse.
– Pig? No, horse would
have grains, man. I think that this,
with the whiteness– You know what? Because it’s kind
of exotic and not like anything
I’ve seen, I’m going with armadillo. The most exotic animal
I’ve ever heard of. I think armadillo’s gonna
be like small like rat turds. – You do?
– Like little circles. I mean little spheres. Not baboon.
It’s not horse. – This has got to be kangaroo.
– It is not horse. Exotic, I think you’re
on the right track with exotic, – but–
– Okay. Kangaroo is our answer. I wanted you to win so bad,
but it’s raccoon. – It is raccoon?
– Yes. And did you know
that raccoons tend to return to the same place each time
they need to poop? That’s ’cause
they’re classy. Oh look, it’s another
big pile of poop! – Horse.
– From a horse. – Horse.
– This is a horse. It’s full of straw. I don’t even have to touch it
to know that. – Oh gosh.
– Ooh, it’s cold. You been refrigerating
this stuff, David? What are you
preserving it for? Both:
Horse! Okay, but can you name
some alternative names for horse poop?
You’re right. Both:
Equine droppings. Oh no, I’m thinking horse buns,
road apples, horse pucky, horse chips, horse hooey,
and horse apples. But you’re right. Those are all good
suggestions. Horse hooey? – Horse hooey.
– Horse apples. Hmm. I’m gonna open my eyes
and get a surprise. – Oh, a little poop!
– It’s a little poops. Isn’t that cute? Ooh, strong. Ooh, gosh. – This is–
– Oh gosh. That smells
like humans, man. That smells like human poop. ( gagging ) It’s so bad. My eyes are watering. Oh, and you’re– I mean, in a couple of times that I put a popsicle
stick in my own poop, it responded
just like this. I mean, we’re in baboon
territory at this point. I mean, it’s easily
pick upable and chunkable. It does smell
like a pig farm, though. Those primates love
to do that. Pigs are so much
like humans that we can use their hearts
and stuff. – That’s a good point.
– Can we use their sharts? That’s the question today. That’s a good point.
I do think it’s
between those two. It’s a pig or a baboon. It could’ve come
from a kangaroo. There’s a carrot bit
in there. – Well that could–
– Is that orange? That could be any
of those three. Pig, baboon, or kangaroo. Rabbit and kangaroo
are like distant cousins. It’s all so very
circular, though. I mean, that could be– Hmm, a big animal – with a circular turd–
– It could be a small pig. Like a potbelly pig. – I think–
– This stinks so bad. So bad, we gotta get it
outta here. Let’s go
with our instincts. I’m saying potbelly pig. What is our instinct? It smells so much like
my own bathroom trips. I wanna say baboon
but pigs are similar to humans. I don’t know.
Pig or baboon, man? Pigs.
It’s a pig, man. Don’t you think pigs
would be sloppier? No. – Okay, pig.
– Pig. Are you sure? – No, baboon.
– Baboon. – It’s baboon!
– Yes! Yay! Okay. And they do throw
their poop a lot, but researchers recently
discovered that throwing poop is a sign
of intelligence. That’s what my kids have
been telling me for years. Here’s another one. There’s a freaking piece
of bamboo on top of this one. – I think that–
– Is that part of it? That’s actually
a coffee straw. Somebody’s been
drinking up coffee. Is that a clue? Now, on the last one, Stevie, I mean you basically
told us we were wrong. So we’re not gonna
take that point. – We’re gonna let it
come down to this…
– If you had agreed with me… – …to get the squatty potties.
– …we would’ve gotten
the point. But we didn’t officially
do that, so… And we’ve narrowed it
down now to pig, armadillo
and kangaroo. I’m gonna say
that this is kangaroo – and here’s why.
– More hair. – Lots of straw.
– I believe– Again, I said a second ago
that I thought that– I feel like a kangaroo and a deer are like
in a similar situation. You know, I’m saying?
Like the ears, and the face, and like– so I kinda feel like I know
what deer poop looks like. It looks like
little uniform balls that have a lot
of grass in them. And that’s what
this looks like. I expect an armadillo– he’s
on the ground all the time– They eat insects
and stuff I think. – Yeah, yeah.
– They don’t eat this much. They’re eating insects. And of course this isn’t–
this can’t be a pig. Why not?
It could be a pig? Well, no, pigs don’t
just eat that much– They don’t eat
that much hay. A pig would need to go
see the doctor. So we are saying
that definitely, without a shadow of a doubt, no poop left unturned. Both:
Kangaroo. Well, it looks like you boys got
yourself some squatty potties. ( cheering ) And did you know
when kangaroos are babies they poop
in their moms pouches. Ooh, they do? Then what does a mom do
with it? She sloughs it out. So you put your feet on this
when you’re pooping and it brings
your knees up higher so you poop like humans
are supposed to. Right, it’s good
for the sphincter. You know what else is good
for the sphincter? Continuing to watch
this show. Rhett:Stick around
because we’re gonna provethat women like their chips
just as crunchy as men do.Link:
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